to change my life forever was born on March 7, 1992.  She’s my daughter Hannah.

I was 23, working two jobs.  By day I worked for a property developer who bought apartment buildings and converted them to condos.  By night, I worked in a local bar.

I “dated” the assistant manager there.  I use the term “dated” loosely, because while we didn’t exactly have a monogomous relationship (for me yes, for him, no) he would always come back to me if other relationships didn’t work out.  He wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t love me, right?

So I discover I am pregnant.  I am living with my twin sister at the time, and my parents live about six blocks away.  I tell my brother and my sister-in-law, and they plead for me to tell my parents.  Well, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I figured I’d just think about it for a while, discuss it with the father, etc.

So I invite the father over, tell him I am pregnant, to which he responds “are you sure its even mine?”  I tell him he doesn’t have to make a decision that second, to go home and think about it.

Well, he thought about it for 7 months!  Never returned phone calls, until one day in early January he calls and asks “What are you going to do?”  I tell him “I’m keeping it.”  To which he replies: “you will never have a boyfriend, you’ll never get married and your life will be miserable.”  (He couldn’t have been further from the truth – I have an AWESOME husband, a beautiful daughter, a handsome step-son and a wonderful life!)

So after saying I am keeping it, I start to panic.  Now I have to tell my parents!  And its not that they were not approachable or anything, it was just the disappointment they would have for me.  I am sure you are wondering how I kept this “secret” from them for so long, but it was winter, I wore big clothes, etc.  I had steadily gained weight ever since I stopped playing field hockey, so I think they just didn’t want to bring the subject up!

So my brother and sister-in-law come to town to celebrate their January birthdays, and my sister-in-law says she is not going home until I tell them!  So we invited my parents over for the taco fiesta birthday celebration.  I know tonight is the night I have to tell them.

I am in my kitchen, chopping up lettuce, when my mom comes in the back door, extra chair in hand.  She walks over, gives me a kiss, and looks down at my belly and says “if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were pregnant!”  At which point I say: “I am.”

Well the color went out of her face immediately.  Then in comes my Dad, all happy, another extra chair in hand and takes one look at my mom and says “What’s wrong?”  My mom said “tell your father what you just told me.”

Okay, in all the conversations I had in my head about how I was going to handle this, this was definitely not one of them!!

I start to cry, my sister-in-law starts to cry because she’s been holding onto this information for so long.  We ate tacos in tears.  My parents finished eating, they got up, and went home.

But the next day, I get a call to come over.  We sit around the table trying to figure out what to do.  We know the father isn’t in the picture.  It’s too late for an abortion.  What about adoption?

We didn’t know anyone personally who had done that before.  Did they regret it?  So we go to a support group for women who had given their children up.  My parents are the only ones in attendance and asked lots questions.  The girl sitting next to me was 25, but her son was 10 and she only got a short letter and picture every year on his birthday.

Well, listening to all these girls stories was heartwrenching.  Either they were going to get kicked out of their houses, or they had an interracial child.  Bottom line was, they didn’t think they had a choice to keep their baby!

But I did!  And after that meeting, one girl in particular came up to me and said “if I had even 10% of support from my parents, I’d have my baby.”

So its decided!  Since most of our family lives out of state, my mom had to write a letter to everyone.  Basically said “Biz is having a baby and not marrying the father.”

And six weeks after that meeting at the adoption center, my life changed forever.  In the most indescribable ways!  I can’t even imagine not having her in my life.

And now, she’s 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 and a junior senior in high school freshman a junior after a little break, is back in college!  I love the fact that I can make her laugh by just one crazy look, the way I can embarrass her (one time a couple years ago put her in the “kid cart” at the grocery store and started putting groceries all around her.  So we are standing by the deli, when she looks and sees one of her teachers.  I immediately start “petting” her head and loudly say “you’re mommas special girl!”  It cracks me up whenever I remember that one!)

So even though it was a difficult time in my life, it was just a moment.  But a moment that changed my life in the best way!

Things are always going to come your way to knock you down, you just have to learn how to keep getting up!

Thank you for being such a great daughter Hannah!  And if I don’t say it enough, I LOVE YOU!!!!!

UPDATED:  My favorite recent video of Hannah!  You deserve it baby!

53 thoughts on “The first person . . .

  1. Daughter
    - tearing up a little bit- :) I'm glad you kept me too! I couldn't ask for a better mom, you're amazing. Between cooking and cleaning and working and doing everything else, you're still the most positive, optimistic person I've ever met. If there's anything I want to be when I get older, it's to be half the woman you are. I wouldn't change a thing about you if I could, I love evrything. I know that having me wasn't the easiest job, and I know there's been times where I probably haven't made it any easier (sorry for that), but you still never gave up, which says everything about you. Whenever I get compliments like "You look just like your mom," or "You sounded just like your mom," it makes my year. I love you more than I could ever explain, you mean everything and more to me. I know I wouldn't have been able to make it this far if it weren't for you, and I can't thank you enough for everything that you do. If there was a title in the dictionary for "Mother of a Lifetime" it would be your picture right next to it. Thanks for your post and everything you said :) I love you too!!!!!!!!!!
  2. Well, so much for a light-hearted Sunday morning of blog reading. My wife ran a youth shelter in Des Moines for nearly 15 years and I am all too familiar with horror stories that can come out of situations like yours. It is really and truly great to hear of such a magnificent success! If you make it down to Austin to visit Charlie, I'd love to meet your family!
  3. That was truly a heartfelt story and you even managed to tell it with humor. It sounds like you and your daughter have a wonderful relationship. I'm so glad it all worked out well for you and your family. It just goes to show you that you never know where life will take you. You just have to be willing to go along for the ride and find the beauty along the way. All the best for the future. Linda
    • I just made this! While it was good, I would suggest annoye to pick their beans carefully. I did chili beans, red kidney beans and garbanzo beans, which turned into a pink, grayish hue. Not very pretty at all. And the puree tasted like something pinkish gray.
      • Hi NickiAs a tiny part of my role as e-Learning Champion' I produce a molnthy bulletin for schools, I thought you might be interested to see what I have put in the January bulletin:‘Lordy’s Links’Again Paul shares 3 web links which relate to ICT in education. – Finally, if you did not see The Geeky ICT Teacher’ at BETT this year (aka Nicki Maddams), you must visit her website. Back to gaming again! This time it’s a PC interface, Nicki shows you how to create a simple game with ‘Kodu’. There are full lesson plans in her Resources – KS3 section of the site and also some for our old favourite ‘Scratch’. A great site for the latest innovative ideas.
  4. What a wonderful story! I've been there and made the same decision you did. Thank God! A supportive family means everything to people in your situation. I'm so glad yours came through with flying colors. Hannah, you are such a sweetie.
  5. Oh, boy, made me think of the time I told my parents about being pregnant and having twins at the same time! I wasn't married either and the father was a jerk (FYI, still is) I just found out I was 13 wks along and having twins. I called my Mom, and told her "Mom, I'm pregnant and having twins." All I heard was a sob and the click of the phone hanging up! I don't remember much after that but I knew I wanted & loved those babies. (It was a very high risk, difficult pregnancy) I was going to fight to get through it and have two healthy babies. There's obviously more to the story but that's the meat of it. Thanks for sharing yours with us! ~ingrid
  6. Thank you so much for sharing this story. You sound like such a brave person. I'm so glad I got to read your daughter's response. She is so lucky to have you as her Mom.
  7. Thanks for the nice comment. What a great duo you two are! I only hope that Ben understands his 'father' situation and that we are as close as you two. Awww...
    • ok so he put the ckihcen in one bowl then took the ckihcen out of that bowl cut it up then picked it up put it into another! that takes time! this could have actualy been 3 minute ckihcen WAKE UP AMERICA (remember: nonstick coatings cause cancer)
  8. That is such an amazing story. I had children....young... It was super hard to do it that way, but I'm so happy that I made the decisions that I did. My husband and I barely had 2 pennies to rub together, but we made it through and have a very blessed life. Congrats on being one amazing mom!!
  9. BB
    Biz I told my mom I was pregnant over the phone. Quickly hung up as soon as the words came out of my mouth. You have a wonderful daughter and husband. Thank you for sharing.
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  11. Okay, I'm totally crying right now. I had my son a month after I turned 21, and his dad hasn't been in the picture since I found out I was pregnant. Thanks for sharing your story! Also, reading your daughter's comment made me tear up again. :)
  12. I have been following your blog for quite some time and I must say it is the first time I read this and I am in tears but joyful tears , I am glad you kept Hannah < such a lovely name . I love your cooking and the way you write , it is totally awesome just like you ! you are an inspiration for so many of us and thank you for sharing it with us .
  13. Just read your story of Hannah and you.....I knew we had something in common. I too had a baby, but was told to put her up for adoption....I have many regrets for doing it "their way". I found Tiffany again via the internet but the 'mother/daughter' relationship is not there. We are both on Facebook so I know what she's up to and I guess she keeps tabs on me through Facebook and my blog. Not much of a relationship going between us. She has two sons, again I see them on Facebook but that is as far as it goes. No, sometimes I think adoption is not a great thing, abortion is worse yet. Better to keep your child and roll with the punches like you did. I applaud you!! It took guts to go through what you did, but you won!!!!
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