Make Better Choices

I treat myself to at least one coffee a week at the coffee shop next to the train station.  Even though its rediculous to pay $3.50 for a plain coffee, sometimes you have to treat yo self.

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But as I was waiting for my turn to order my coffee, the blueberry muffin was eyeing me, as if to say “Biz, you know you want me!”  

And before you know it, when I got up to the counter my mouth said “I’ll take a large coffee and that blueberry muffin, thank you.”  The muffin?  Cost $3!  But at that moment, I wanted it, so that’s what I did.  Even though half of it was 8 smart points.  And while it tasted great, I was thinking “couldn’t I have made a better choice?”  

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It was a busy work day, as it was the last day of the month.  I worked through lunch and got a small sandwich from Hannah’s Bretzel in the lobby of my office.  Holy balls, was this delicious!  Ham, swiss cheese, mango spread, pickled jalapenos on a pretzel bun.  Could I have made a better choice?  Absolutely – Freshii is also in the lobby of my building and I could have gotten a salad, fresh fruit or soup.  

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The train lets me out in downtown Cary, right by our local bar/restaurant called The Tracks, and it always smells amazing when I get off the train – a cross between grilled burgers and tater tots.  When I got home, the kadults were wondering what to make for dinner, when I mentioned the smell from The Tracks when I got off the train, and Jacob said “let’s go, my treat!” 

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This place has Stella Artois on tap, so duh, I had to get that.  And they are known for their burgers so that was a must.  Could I have made a better choice?  Yep.  They also have seared ahi tuna, I could have gotten water with lemon.  That, my friends, is the fireburger.  A burger topped with pepper jack cheese, fried jalapenos, chipotle aioli and sriracha sauce.   And a rediculous amount of fries.  I ate half the burger and a couple fries. When I came home, I weighed the remaining burger and it was 7.5 ounces, and I had 6 ounces of leftover fries.  Crazy!

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This is going to be an emotional weekend for me, and I am going to try my best not to drown myself in wine and deep dish pizza.

December 1, 2014.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  My brother and his family were here, my parents in law made it after a very long drive from Florida.  With Tony being home from hospice, they told me that he could last a few days or a few weeks, there was no way of knowing.  After everyone went home or back to their hotel, it was just me and Tony.  His hospital bed was in Hannah’s room, since she had moved out then it was basically an empty room.

He didn’t move much that day at all, when a couple days previously he was able to say hello to his nephews new baby boy.  I remember worrying that I wouldn’t hear him if he called out to me if he needed anything, so I took all the cushions off the couch and made a makeshift bed, where half my body was under the tall hospital bed.  

I kissed him goodnight.  I fell asleep.  I woke up the next morning and he looked exactly the same.  No movement, shallow breathing, but even then I thought he’d be with me a few more weeks, and I even contemplated asking to take a leave of absence from work.

But he died on December 2, 2014.  I am thankful for my parents in law and my brother and his family for his support. My Mom who canceled her dream trip to Hong Kong (I think that’s where she was going?!) and Hannah and Jacob who were so helpful I couldn’t have done everything we did for his service without their help.  And then Joe and Lizz came with their friend Natalie for the service – I had so much support – so much to be thankful for!

I am going to make it a good weekend though.  I am going to finish decorating the house, shop for a new winter coat because it’s finally going to get cold next week, and be thankful for what I have, and make better choices.

Make it a great day!

 

19 thoughts on “Make Better Choices

  • Allyson
    HUGS, HUGS and more HUGS. You two were destined to be together. And you always will be together in spirit. I marvel at your strength and also can't help but be delighted when you see the hearts in things. I believe in that - it's no coincidence. Tony was a great man! That's why he picked you. Love to you!
    Reply
  • Beth Sher
    Be good to yourself this weekend - hard to believe it's been 3 years. I remember when I read the post that he had passed away and broke down in tears. You are a strong lady Biz and have endured much in your young life. I hope we can meet in person someday soon!
    Reply
  • Lynne
    Sounds like you have a good plan to stay busy and positive this weekend. Cry when you need to and be kind to yourself. If you find comfort in the arms of a pizza, then do it and move on. You know better than anyone that life is too short to beat ourselves up over food choices...and those few choices don't define you!!
    Reply
  • Kym
    ((Hugs)) Good plan to keep busy, and Lynne says it very well. Reach out if you need anything at anytime. The scent of grilled burgers and tater tots, hummm could we make that into a cologne or candle?
    Reply
  • Melissa
    Yes, sometimes don't make the best choices and, yes, maybe it's emotional-- but we're human beings and sometimes we just have to have what we want. Thinking of you and sending comforting energies to you. Be kind to yourself!
    Reply
  • Louise
    Goodness....you are so hard on yourself...you made good choices today, breakfast lunch AND dinner. Enjoy a little happiness, it's okay! Hard to believe it's 3 years already. Look for a heart this weekend.
    Reply
  • Randi MacDonald
    (((((hugs))))). I'm still so sorry. Btw, the sandwich is not a bad choice. I always ask to hollow out my bread. Less carbs. Freshii does not impress me and its so expensive.
    Reply

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